I didn't get to say goodbye :(

Papi, I really hope you know that I love you, even though I've never really said it. I do. We've never been close but I do love and respect you. You were driven, always passionate about the things you love. I will miss you, very much.

May you rest in peace, 4.45 am WIB, October 14th, 2009.

[Our family vacation for their 50th anniversary, just this past June]

I don't know how I feel right now. I don't know if this is grief or sadness. I'm never gonna see him again! When I left home in August I said goodbye, thinking that I would see him again in about 9 months. I knew his condition hasn't been the best, with the cancer and all. But this feels surreal. Somehow I thought that everyone I know and love will always be with me forever. I didn't have the chance to get to know him very well. Scratch that, I had the chance but never took it. I know he was a nice person. Sometimes irrational but so is everyone else. I didn't get to see him one more time, didn't get to say goodbye. But he's in a better place now. God, please let him know that I love him.

For my family back home, Tante Vy and Tante Ferra in Jakarta, and Tante Philia here in New Jersey, I hope you're all okay. Well, I know you're not..but.. [=____=] I don't know what to say. I have you all in my prayers... Especially Mami, please, God, don't let her grief for too long.