Why am I going even further away?

I made myself promise that I would try to get to know You better and get closer to You. I decided to read the Bible every night. I'm trying my best, but sometimes I just can't remember. But the more I read, the more skeptical I become. I am now rationalizing and questioning everything. I'm comparing Your words to what I know of this world, which is created by You. Why am I going away from You, instead of to You? I'm finding myself dismissing parts of the Scripture and believing even less. And yes, I'm getting scared of what I will be. I know I can't do this alone, that's why I have to go to church. I should find one here. I need this. Please, God, forgive me of my ignorance. And please guide me to Your path, and I will try to listen this time.

Reading

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

John 15:12

Day 10: John 6

Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to everlasting life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him.

- John 6:27

Day 7: John 4-5

Forgot to read one last night so it's doubled tonight.

when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God; and those who hear will live.

-John 5:25b

I don't think I'm hearing, and I still don't know how to change that. I don't actually have the will to do so.

You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.
I have come in My Father's name, and you do not receive Me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive.

-John 5:39-40, 43

I feel like even though I'm reading the Bible, it is not reflected on my daily life. Baby steps, right? Hopefully the reading of the Bible doesn't stop and then I can actually live as how God wants me to.

Today's Reading: John 2

In the Bible, Jesus shows miracles to His disciples to make them believe in Him and God. To me, every single day is Him showing me signs of His power and glory. And, again, I was reminded that I should not be chasing these materials, instead I should be learning more about Him. All the time I've spent "worshiping" all the things in this materialistic world I live in, I should have spent worshiping Him.