I really need to change...

I often find myself wondering why this is happening to me. I always make myself believe that I don't deserve it and that I've tried hard enough to prevent it. But maybe I didn't...

I know I have a problem with it. I was really afraid to move here because of this. But I really thought I could overcome it, and just change. But that didn't happen. It just got even worse and I don't know how to fix it this time. I've tried, I know I have, but I'm not trying the right things. Cos it's not working at all.

I even thought about transferring to another school cos I thought that would fix it. But that just means running away from the problem again, wouldn't it?

Plus, I always want everything to go my way. Even though I know it's stupid most of the time. I want everything to run in my own little "perfect" world. It's not gonna happen, I know! I just need to realize that I'm living in the real world and I need to live in their way, they won't follow mine. I have to be brave, step up and just do it.