I miss you Papi

I was redditing at work and came across this video of Steve Jobs' funniest moments. I "watched" the video in the background while I went to the comments section on Reddit. There was a mention of how frail and thin Jobs looked at the end, and suddenly I found myself tearing up. It reminded me of my grandfather, who passed away in October 2009. He also looked frail and thin, and there were moments when I was actually scared of hugging him because I thought hugging him too tight might "break" him. Stupid, I know. Maybe I was just too scared of his illness. He was just so thin, so unlike him, and I think I just couldn't process that information.

i also remembered that I didn't cry when my mother called me to tell me that he was gone. I told Kim (by text message instead of phone call, idiotically) and she cried. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me. There were a few nights when I lay in bed unable to sleep, thinking that I would never be able to see him again. I don't think I actually "got" it until I went to his grave the next summer. He's gone; I would never be able to see him again; he never got the chance to see any of his grandchildren graduate college.

I don't know when it started, but now whenever I hear/read about cancer or Steve Jobs looking frail and thin, my mind goes straight to my memory of hugging Papi and feeling his bones, especially the sharp edges of his shoulders. I just remember that one hug, at home. I don't even know if it actually happened or if it's just my imagination, but it's always the same hug. I really miss you Papi!